So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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