I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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