STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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