ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
