she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
