It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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