you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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