Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
