IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
