I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
