I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
why do cheetos always look like penises
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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