Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
