What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
