you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
