i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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