My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
