My room smells like vodka and shame
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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