I am puke
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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