If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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