Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize