This is not my ceiling
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
