In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
