I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Sober January is a disaster.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
