Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
