You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
