I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i would punch a child for taco bell
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
