I saw his package. It spoke to me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
