When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
too bad you live with your parents still
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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