Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
