I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
