dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think people are normalizing furries
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
