Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize