he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
