After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He shit in the fireplace
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