...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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