Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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