i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
