i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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