if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
this hospital has no fireball
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
