I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
