im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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