At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
