I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
