Quick, to the slutcave!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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