so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
