I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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