whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
