All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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