he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you didnt know i had herpes?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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