How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
