I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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