You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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