Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize