My room smells like vodka and shame
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize