i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize