Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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