we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize