Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
