Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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