hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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