I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
