It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
