no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
