He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
