i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
