I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
