Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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