Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I will pee on everything he values.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
